Uninsured With ME/CFS and/or Fibromyalgia - Part 3 - Prescription Medications

This post is the third in a series concerning financial strategies for those who've been diagnosed with a chronic illness, are uninsured and living on a low income. Click below to see the original post:

What to Do When You're Diagnosed With ME/CFS and/or FMS and Don't Have Health Insurance

So, you've seen the doctor, had some blood work done and depending on the results, may have gotten a prescription to address your pain, fatigue or other symptoms.  Many prescriptions for ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia are new and really expensive.  This also means that there aren't generic alternatives.  One doctor I saw prescribed Cymbalta which has a three-hundred-fifty dollar per month price tag!  Incidentally, this particular doctor (a Rheumatologist) had almost no experience dealing with low income and/or uninsured patients as well as countless other faults.   I filled only half of the prescription and charged it on my credit card.

The clinic my GP (who I really like) practices at, has a person on staff who helps uninsured, low-income patients obtain prescription medications at discounted rates or for free, depending on the situation.  When I first started seeing this patient advocate few years ago, it all seemed like magic.  My doctor wrote the prescription and had it forwarded to the advocate.  I made an appointment to see her, she explained which financial papers I needed to provide, she'd fill out some forms and I'd sign them.  In about two weeks, I'd go back, she'd hand me a bag of name-brand prescription bottles, I'd thank her and walk out the door without paying a dime.  Later I started catching on to what she was doing.  The best part is, anyone can do it!

The advocate was simply contacting the pharmaceutical companies and applying for financial assistance on my behalf.  I thought, I'm pretty smart, I can do this myself.  It ended up being easier than I ever imagined.

When I first learned about the high cost of Cymbalta, I started to panic, thinking I'd never be able to afford it.  Then I looked back in my records at the forms my advocate had filled out.  I tried to mimic what she had done. 

The pharmaceutical company that manufactures Cymbalta is Lilly, the same company that makes Prozac. I went to the Lilly website, searched around a bit and finally found a financial assistance form to download.  I can't remember exactly which financial documents they required, but I believe I sent a copy of my previous years tax return and a month's worth of my husband's pay stubs.  I put the application and accompanying documentation in the mail and prepared myself for the usual routine, complete with countless follow-up calls and re-submissions of my application.  To my overwhelming shock, the situation I'd come to expect, never materialized.

About two weeks after I submitted my application, I took out the copies of what I'd sent, took a deep breath and dialed the customer service number, poised for battle.  A friendly man answered the phone  and asked what he could do for me.  I explained that I was calling to check on the status of a financial aid form I had submitted.  After obtaining my name, he quickly pulled up my file.  I had expected the usual "I'm sorry, our computers are really slow today" line, but no excuse was needed.  He cheerfully reported that my application had been approved and the medication was already on its way to my doctor's office.  I thanked him profusely, and hung up the phone in utter disbelief.  His claims were not fiction as I picked up the four bottles of Cymbalta during my next doctor's visit.  My doctor, apparently not used to dealing with uninsured patients, did not handle the whole situation well at all and I never saw her again after that.  But that's beside the point.

What I'm about to write is also beside the point but has to be said. I found it interesting, to put it mildly, that the pharmaceutical company was so willing to mail me drugs with a value of approximately $350. It says volumes about how over-priced these drugs must be in the first place and how huge the profits are. You wouldn't, for example, walk into a grocery store, show them a copy of your tax return and get $350 worth of groceries. But, I suppose I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth (if you'll excuse the cliche) so I won't continue with this particular tirade

The point is, that it is possible to get prescription drugs at a discount. Most drug companies will give just about anyone (with a prescription from your doctor of course) a free one month trial. You can usually print the coupon out on your computer and give it to your pharmacist with your prescription.

In the next post, I'll tell you about third party drug distributors that offer huge discounts. Yes, it's legal and based in the USA.

November Rain

It's raining in Southern California and since it hasn't rained substantially in a long time, water is making its way into everything.  One leak made its way into the laundry room and shorted out an electrical outlet that almost started a fire at our small hotel.

Winter is here.  This does nothing positive for my state of mind which is true for many others as well.  Motivation for strategies I had formed (and posted endlessly about) in regards to my physical healing have all but gone.  I realize that this change in attitude is due mostly to the deep episode of depression I'm in.  I hope to address this problem as soon as I'm able to make an appointment with my doctor.  I'm realizing, reluctantly, that I won't be able to heal myself physically until I'm able to function mentally and the only way to do that I fear is by taking more medication.  I'm really discouraged by this realization though it's hardly the first time I've had it.  I told my therapist in a recent session that I had felt better physically while medicated.  I didn't feel well, but I did feel better than I do now.  I'm in almost constant pain now.  I had so wanted to be drug-free at least for a short time, to see what it was like, but it doesn't look like I'll be able to do it.  I'm so disappointed.

I've been in this cycle of meds/ no meds for so many years and I know it's something I'll struggle with for the rest of my life. I've managed to lower my Cymbalta dosage to 20mg every fourth day.   I'm feeling light-headed and experiencing a lot of "brain-zaps".  The symptoms may be diminishing but I'm not really sure.  I've been trying to titrate off this evil stuff for over a month and I'm still having withdrawal symptoms.

Can hardly lift my arm. So scared

Still in bed. Don't have strength to lift my head from the pillow. Sorry about the fragmented sentences. Typing this on my iPhone with only one eye opened. Can type a couple words then have to close my eye and rest again. Eye lids are so heavy I can only hold them open for a minute or so, then they close.

My husband is in the other room. Must think I'm just sleeping late. I'll have to text him since I can't call out to him. I feel like I must be dying. Would be a relief from this - whatever it is that's slowly rotting my body.

As I lay here in pain and profound weakness I hear the joyful cheers of spectators outside my window as athletes in a triathlon victoriously cross the finish line. Oh my god.

Falling Further Down the Black Hole

My depression has reached a critical level. I don't give a crap anymore about trying a new diet, medication or anything for that matter. I haven't felt this low in a very long time. I physically feel terrible and there isn't much left in my life I have control over. I'm blessed to have a wonderful therapist who I've been keeping in regular contact with and who is closely monitoring my situation. I'm still taking about 10mg of Cymbalta per day and can't seem to lower he dose much more without suffering withdrawal.

I made the decision today that I will no longer be able to fulfill my responsibilities as manager here at the hotel. My cognitive impairment has gotten worse and worse. I spent quite a bit of time today on the phone apologizing to guests who apparently had made reservations but that I had no recollection of, or paper work on. I'm not used to making so many mistakes. I have often, in the past, held positions which required serious detail orientation, commitment and work ethic and are qualities I have always prided myself on. I guess those days are gone and hopefully only temporarily.

My marriage is seriously on the rocks and shows no sign of getting better. Now I'll be almost completely financially dependent on my husband and just the thought seems to choke off my air. My almost stubborn self-sufficiency is something I have also had pride in. There are some people I wouldn't mind having to depend on but my husband isn't one of them. I know he'll rub my face in it and it'll become a game of trade-offs. He pays for stuff so I'll have to do things for him in return. It's already that way to a large extent and will only get worse.

So, I'm not able to take care of my daughter, I'm not able to do my job and I'm not able to do things that need to be done to upkeep our home. What can I do? Not much.

I have yet to call the owners of the hotel to tell them I'll have to take a medical leave. That's going to be yet another humbling experience that I think I'll save for tomorrow.

Crashing Down Off the Alpha Nutrition Wagon

Okay so it's now day 7 on the Alpha nutrition diet. My mental state has made it very difficult to maintain any type of discipline. Yesterday I didn't write down anything I ate or any of my symptoms although the severity of my symptoms don’t seem to have changed much. Today I also did not write down anything I ate or any of my symptoms and I ate an entire small pepperoni pizza which made me feel like I was going to puke for about an hour.  The pizza was a bit too well done but it still tasted good!

Last night I intentionally skipped my 20 mg Cymbalta dose for the first time. I felt okay until the late afternoon today when I started feeling lightheaded and nauseated. These symptoms got worse as the evening progressed so I decided to take a pill to minimize my discomfort. It seems to have helped with the nausea but I'm still a bit lightheaded. My plan is to take the 20 mg dose as soon as I begin to feel lightheaded.  Hopefully the duration between doses will get longer and longer until I can stop taking it all together.

I wrote this in one of my previous posts and I’ll write it again.  Cymbalta is evil!  I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.  It’s a very harsh drug with very harsh and dangerous, even life threatening side effects. If I had gone through with some of the crazy, violent obsessions going through my mind the other night, my life would either be over or I would be in jail. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest.  Since the episode three nights ago, both my therapist and medical doctor have been calling regularly to check up on me and are very concerned about my mental state.   As I’ve mentioned several times before, I’ve taken many different drugs for depression and Fybromyalgia and this is one of the worst!  I can’t wait till I’m completely free of it.

Day 4 - 10/22/11 - Alpha Nutrition Diet for Aching and Fatigue

Still feeling like crap...

Symptoms
(0=mild to no discomfort 10=most severe discomfort/ pain)

3:00pm
Shortness of Breath - 4
Fatigue - 7
Headache - 2
Backache - 7
Eye Pain - 2
All-Over Body Pain - 6

Food Log
9:00am - 1 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk,
10:00am - 1/3 cup ENF Formula
3:00pm - 6 peach slices, fruit ice pop
1:00pm - 1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots, 1/3 cup ENF Formula
4:30pm - 2.5oz can salmon, large mango smoothie
6:00pm - 1cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots, 1 cup rice cereal & 1/2 cup rice milk
9:00pm - 5 rice crackers

Medications taken at bedtime:
Cymbalta: 20mg, Welbutrin: 150mg, Lorazepam: 2mg

Day 3 - 10/21/11 - Alpha Nutirition Diet for Aching & Fatigue

Severe emotional breakdown at 9:30pm.  Felt extreme rage, anger and suicidal thoughts like I have never felt before.  Cymbalta is EVIL!  I have never experienced such withdrawal from SSRIs and I've taken most of the SSRI's out there.  I almost ended up in the ER.  I cannot even write some of the thoughts I was having down because they're too shameful.  I'm just so glad I was able to resist acting upon them.  I will never take a SNRI again.
Symptoms (0=mild to no discomfort 10=most severe discomfort/ pain)

10:30am
Shortness of Breath - 5
Fatigue - 7
Headache - 0
Backache - 7
Heart Murmurs - 3
Eye Pain - 2
All-Over Body Pain - 4
Sore Throat - 3

Food Log
9:00am - 1 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk,
10:00am - 1/3 cup ENF Formula
12:00pm - 6 peach slices
1:00pm - 1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots, 1/3 cup ENF Formula
5:00pm - 1.5 cup rice, 1.5 cup broccoli & carrots
7:00pm - 1 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk
9:00pm - 5 rice crackers

Medications taken at bedtime:
Cymbalta: 20mg, Welbutrin: 150mg, Lorazepam: 2mg

Day 2 - 10/20/11 - Alpha Nutrition Diet for Aching and Fatigue

Still feeling about the same or worse.

Symptoms (0=mild to no discomfort 10=most severe discomfort/ pain)
10:00am
Shortness of Breath - 5
Fatigue - 7
Headache - 0
Backache - 5
Heart Murmurs - 5
Eye Pain - 2
All-Over Body Pain - 4
Sore Throat - 3

Food Log
8:30am -  1/2 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk, 1/3 cup ENF formula
9:30am - 4 peach slices
11:00am - 1 cup broccoli & carrots, 1 cup rice
4:00pm - 1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots
6:00pm - 1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots
8:00pm - 1 cup rice cereal, 1 cup rice milk
9:00pm - 8 peach slices

Medications taken at bedtime:
Cymbalta: 20mg, Welbutrin: 150mg, Lorazepam: 2mg

Day 1 - 10/19/11 - Alpha Nutrition Diet for Aching and Fatigue

Slept until around 10am.  Woke up feeling bad:

Symptoms (0=mild to no discomfort 10=most severe discomfort/ pain)
                        12:00pm |  5:00pm
Shortness of Breath - 4  |  4
Fatigue - 6  |  6
Headache - 2  |  0
Backache - 6  |  3
Heart Murmurs - 5  |5
Eye Pain - 3  |  3
All-Over Body Pain - 4  |  4
Joint Pain - 5  |  4

Food Log
11:30am  -  6 peach slices, 3/4 cup white rice
12:30pm  -  1 cup cooked broccoli & carrots, 1tbsp olive oil, 1tsp salt
1:00pm  -  1 baked sweet potato
3:00pm  -  1 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk
5:00pm  -  6 peach slices, 1/3 cup ENF formula
6:00pm  -  1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots
7:30pm  -  1 cup rice cereal, 1 cup rice milk
9:00pm  -  1 cup rice

Medications taken at bedtime:
Cymbalta: 20mg, Welbutrin: 150mg, Lorazepam: 2mg

Coming Down Off Cymbalta

I don't know if I'm feeling the way I am because I lowered my Cymbalta dosage or if it's just one of those "fibro-lows".  Last night I sat on the floor in my scalding hot shower and cried, my body hurt so much.  I'm really feeling terrible.  Everything is worse from joint pain and all-over body pain to headaches, fatigue and weird symptoms like eye pain.  In my misery last night, I decided that I would start the "Alpha Diet" today because I had to find some relief and I didn't have any time to loose. 

According to the Alpha Nutrition book by D. Gisalason (although it does encourage flexibility), those who are suffering with severe disease should follow the "slow track" and begin with ten days of fasting while only taking liquid nutrients.  I didn't want to begin fasting until I was completely off my medications, so I've started eating only "Phase One" foods and liquid nutrients and plan to start fasting when my body is drug-free.

The list of Phase One foods is VERY limited.  I think there are thirty-three items on the list and that includes olive oil and at least four derivatives of rice (rice, rice cakes, rice (only) cereal, rice crackers, etc.).  Basically the Phase One diet includes certain vegetables, peaches, pears and rice.  I'm doing ok with it today but can see this getting really old really fast.  So far I'm still feeling like shit symptom-wize but I realize it may take at least ten days to feel any relief.  I'll be keeping my food and symptom journal here on my blog.  The journal entries will be titled "Day One", Day Two", etc.

If this doesn't work I don't know what I'll do.

Reprieve of Sorts

My husband has moved back to our apartment.  We discussed our problems and made some compromises.  I won't regurgitate the tiresome details. 

It's been about nine days on the lowered doses.  Now I'm taking 40mg Cymbalta, 150mg Welbutrin and 2mg Lorazepam.  I've been feeling better than average the for last three days.  Tonight I'll take 20mg of Cymbalta rather than 40mg.  The thought gives me some definite anxiety since I do not want to repeat the experience I had ten days ago, but I'm so anxious to get  this crap out of my system and anxious to start the food allergy investigation.  I'm hopeful, but hesitant.  I'm so worried that it won't change anything and I'll become more desperate and hopeless than I am even now.  As each experiment fails, I think more and more that this disease will be my lifelong rival and I begin to plan my life as a disabled person. 

My daugher, who is now ninteen and a half months old, has learned that sleeping requires closed eyes.  When my husband or I tell her to go to sleep she lays her head back and with obvious force, squints her eyes closed. She reaches a tiny hand to her eye and so gently traces her closed eyelid over and over with a pointed index finger.  She cannot see but can only feel her closed eyes and imagine how she may appear as she sleeps. 

Trying to Get Off Cymbalta?

The carb-free thing didn't work out but I'm not convinced that it isn't a diet issue that's causing my problems.  I've found some information on "delayed pattern food allergy" on the web and although I may be grasping at straws it sounds like an interesting theory to me.  I ordered a book by Dr. Gislason which explains the very involved process for discovering if you may in fact have a food allergy.  According to what I've read, it may take many months to come to any realization but if it works it's easily worth the time.

To prepare for fasting, which is the first step in the process, Dr. Gislason suggests that you rid your body of all prescription medications (as well as nicotine, caffeine & alcohol among other things).  I've been on SSRI's for about fifteen years to treat my Major Depression, so I'm a bit apprehensive about not taking them since I've experienced some severe depression in my life.  I've also had some experience with SSRI withdrawl so I know not to stop taking them abruptly.  I'm taking 60mg of Cymbalta once per day, so my plan was to take one dose every-other-day for a week or two then take one every third day, etc.  Since the medication comes in capsules, they can't be split in half.  I've used this method to wean myself off SSRIs before and have never had any problems.

Three days ago I intentionally skipped my Cymbalta dose before I went to bed, planning to take a dose the next night.  I woke up the next morning hardly able to move.  My muscles were so weak I could baredly lift my head from my pillow to drink some water.  As the day progressed I became more and more nauseated and I shivered with cold sweats.  It reminded me of my drinking days and the horrible hang-overs and alcohol poisoning I suffered all too frequently.  Unfortunately, my sickened state prevented me from realizing the source of my suffering until later in the evening.  I took a dose immediately but the damage was already done.  The next morning the withdrawl symptoms were gone.

I have NEVER experienced SSRI withdrawl symptoms that severe or sudden before.  In the past it's taken two or three days before I started to get "brain zaps" and feel dizzy or nauseated.  I admit that I was getting over a cold virus so that may have had some effect but I don't really think so.  My doctor prescribed 20mg tablets and I've been taking two of those once per day for the last two days and I haven't experienced any withdrawl as of yet.

If anyone out there is planning on quitting Cymbalta, be careful!  Also, don't let your prescription run out and think you'll just call your doctor tomorrow.  If you do, you may suffer severely for it and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Surprise Surprise

My parents left on Monday and what I feared but assumed would happened has happened.  My husband has not picked up at all from  where my mom left off - far from it.  He's behaving exactly the way he did before she came.  He's acting like a childish brat who rolls his eyes or comes up with lame adolescent excuses every time I ask him for his help with something.  I'm beginning to realize that this marriage will soon be over.  I cannot live with a man who treats me with such disrespect, especially being as sick as I am.

I just finished a carb-free "two week test" which may have indicated I f I had a carbohydrate intolerance since the symptoms are almost exactly the same as Fibromyalgia (strange how so many things are).  I didn't really see any change so I went on a monumental carb binge on the last day of the "test".  I pretty much feel the same as I did before I did the test.  I'm still intrigued though with the idea that I may have some type of food allergy or intolerance.  I've ordered a book which is a step-by-step program to test yourself for these situations.   I understand it can be a many months long process.  Maybe it's just a scam, but I'm willing to try anything at this point.  The $500 per month Cymbalta hasn't done a thing for me.  I've tried so many medications and the only one that helped was Prednisone which my doctor promptly took me off  saying that it wasn't safe to take long-term.  What a tease.  There's got to be something.  I'll let everyone know how the program is working after I start.  Wish me luck!

Am I Missing Something?

Either I've missed something major in my research or my cognitive abilities have been more compromised than I thought.  If anyone reading this post could offer some insight I may have missed I would really appreciate it.

For the past year and a half I've learned more than I care to about antidepressants (SSRIs, SNRIs, Trycyclic, etc.) and other forms of medication from pain killers to anti-convulsants and sedatives.  I've been prescribed about ten different medications (so far) by several doctors as I've tried desperately to get some relief from my illness.  Right now I'm taking 200mg Welbutrin, 60mg Cymbalta, 100mg Neurontin and 2mg Lorazepam once daily.

Actually, antidepressants are far from new to me.   I've been taking them for about fifteen years.  I've suffered with depression for as long as I can remember with my earliest memory of being depressed taking place in my second grade classroom.  But it wasn't until 1995, while I was attending college, that I was finally diagnosed  with Major Depression and medicated.  Since then I've probably taken most of the antidepressants on the market.

About eight years ago I developed severe Panic Disorder and started taking Lorazepam for acute attacks.  After my panic became partially controlled I used Lorazepam on occasion to help me sleep.  A year and a half ago when I became ill with Fybromyalgia my sleep was severely disrupted as it is with many sufferers.  I couldn't stay asleep and I was plagued with disturbing dreams and horrible nightmares.  I started taking the Lorazepam again and it magically helped me sleep without any noticeable side effects.        

OK so, here's where the confusion starts. The last two doctors I've seen have insisted that I stop taking Lorazepam due to it's "addictive" nature.  I've been prescribed other medications that are meant to replace it, the latest and greatest of which is Neurontin.  I took the prescribed dosage for about six weeks and never experienced any reduction in the side effects which were SEVERE and included nausea, dizziness, migraine headaches, confusion and excessive tiredness.

I'm not understanding the logic here.  Although Lorazepam is supposedly addictive, I've been taking it on and off for eight years.  When I do take it, I'm able to get a good night's sleep, wake up feeling rested and without side-effects.  I've gone days and even weeks in the past without taking it and never experienced any type of withdrawal (which I have from other medications).  The fact that Lorazepam is addictive seems beside the point in this case.  It has worked well for me consistently and I haven't had any ill effects that I'm aware of.  The same cannot be said about the drugs that have been prescribed to replace it.  What am I missing?  Is there some type of stigma attached to the prescribing of Lorazepam (Ativan) in the medical community?  Is it some kind of taboo?  I 'm thoroughly baffled and can think of no other reason that my doctors would be so adamant that I not take it.  Any insight on this?

Mom to the Rescue

Tomorrow I will finally get the help I've needed for so long. After so much struggling and sickness I will be able to rest and hopefully begin to get well. Trying to manage this hotel at peak season, take care of my daughter and deal with my childish husband all the while feeling only partially alive has had me wondering more and more why I keep going. After becoming very concerned about my current state of mind and hearing my desperation through the phone, my mom booked tickets on a flight from Newark to LA that arrives tomorrow. My hope is that I will actually have some extended periods of time to rest and recuperate. I'm ecstatic that she's coming but at the same time, humbled that at age 38 I need my mom to fly across the country and rescue me.

My husband left about a half an hour ago after I told him his choices were the couch or his boat for the night. His immaturity and insensitivity have hurt me one too many times. Although I have asked him thousands of times to take over doing things I can't do anymore, he refuses to pick up the slack. My requests are always met with a roll of the eyes or sigh and often a sarcastic remark. I can't understand how he can be so insensitive to my suffering. It stuns me sometimes. He sees me pushing myself until I'm sick and just sits there watching (or not watching). When I ask him why he hasn't done something I've asked, he tells me he's been busy doing other things. I've decided that I'll stop trying to psychoanalyze his bizarre, hostile behavior and simply not tolerate it anymore. It's so important for me to have a strong support system. I've always hated to ask for help but realize that it's a necessity at this point in my life. I physically can't do the things I once could. I certainly don't need someone in my life making things more difficult for me both psychologically and physically .

Although this is the first time in my life I've had to deal with a debilitating physical illness, the experience of a failed relationship is far from new. If our marriage fails it will be divorced number two for both of us. This time though, there's a whole new dimension to be considered. We have a precious daughter. She loves her father so much and when I think of taking her away from him tears instinctively fill my eyes. One of the few positive things I can say about my husband is that he's a good father. 

I'm just beginning to realize why, for my whole life, I've been so adamant about not having children.  I'm not suggesting that I could have predicted being stricken with this terrible disease and I know that caring for my daughter would be considerably easier if I were well, but I still have this nagging feeling that I've made a big mistake. I desperately hope my little girl doesn't suffer because of my bad judgments. I know I made a mistake in marrying my husband but I've known that for some time. This is the first time there's an innocent bystander.

After a week with no response from my doctor I've decided to take matters into my own hands. I halved the dosage on three of my medications and seem to be experiencing fewer side effects. Unfortunately some Fibromyalgia symptoms are returning. I'm having more pain than I was last week, but not nearly to the degree it has been in the past.  I'll keep experimenting and hope that I can find a point where side effects and symptoms are at a tolerable balance.

The Latest Boring Update

I'm finding myself in a very familiar situation but it's not de ja vu.  I've called and left two messages for my doctor, the first on Tuesday and haven't gotten a response yet.  I've cut back on my medication because I can't handle the side effects any more.  I've been feeling so nauseated and having such strong vertigo for the last two and a half weeks that I couldn't get out of bed a couple of days ago.  I've been feeling progressively worse not better.  I'm beginning to think that either the Cymbalta, the Nurontin or the combination of the two are not going to work for me.  This is particularly frustrating since I paid almost $300 for fifteen days worth of the Cymbalta and had to jump through a lot of paper work hoops to apply for the patient assistance program.  It looks as though all of my work may have been for nothing.  Work that was done while I was experiencing a great degree of discomfort and wanted only to be laying in my bed, in the dark.  I seem to be able to ward off the worst of the migraine headaches by staying really hydrated.  I realized that I was loosing a lot of fluids due to my excessive sweating.  I hope my doctor calls tomorrow with some encouragement but I'm fairly sure I'll be the one making the phone call.

Peaches & Cream & Funky Carpet

My doctor has prescribed some new medication.  She took me off Zoloft and Flexoril and replaced them with Cymbalta and Nurontin.  Both of these new medications have some seriously inconvenient side effects .  I've been on them for about two weeks now and I'm still feeling nauseated, dizzy, super fatigued, weak and sweating like a pig.  In the past couple of days I've also been getting horrible headaches along with everything else.  I feel horrible.  I'm trying to run the hotel while taking care of my seventeen month old daughter at the same time and it's really sucking the life out of me.  This is our high season here and the phones are ringing off the hook.  The moment I pick up the phone my daughter screams on the top of her lungs which makes for a great impression to potential guests. 

It certainly doesn't help matters that I've found my husband is pretty much unable to deal with my illness.  Somehow, he feels sorry for himself and thinks he's getting the short end of the stick.  I have to keep reminding him that I'm the one who's sick and that it really sucks for me too (to put it very mildly).  Today I had a mini-meltdown (if there is such a thing).  My husband had apparently dumped water on the carpet (again) and neglected  to sop it up thoroughly.  Since it's been really warm the past few days, the spill, of which I was unaware of until today, had started to ferment making the carpet smell somewhat like cat piss.  This is not the first time this has happened and  I thought we had learned last time that when you spill something on the carpet and don't clean it up (especially in the summer) it quickly takes on a life of it's own...literally .  This smell does wonders for my nausea.  Well, this afternoon as I was discovering the source of the horrible smell, my daughter walked over to where I was sitting on the carpet and proceeded to slowly pour her peaches along with the syrup from her fruit cup on to the floor next to the existing funk.  I pretty much lost it at that point.  I just layed down on the floor and cried.  My daughter was very confused and a bit distressed I think because she kept trying to lift my head with her little hand.  My husband had been trying to take a nap because he had to get up at five am to take out a fishing charter.  I walked in the bedroom and told him I was sorry, but he was going to have to forgo the nap for today.