Antidepressants Are NOT Happy Pills!

Being that the title of this blog is "Fibromyalgia???", it may seem off-topic to have a post about depression and antidepressant medication here, but the two subjects are actually very closely related.  I take antidepressant medication to treat both Depression and Fibromyalgia/ME/CFS and I know there are many ME/CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)/Fibromyalgia sufferers who take antidepressants to treat symptoms of those diseases and have never had depression.

Happy pills?  Really?  A few days ago, I actually heard someone utter these insulting words while referring to antidepressant medication, which seems to imply that a person who takes them is weak and unable to cope with the natural ups and downs of life. 

About fifteen years ago when I was finally diagnosed with Clinical Depression and prescribed antidepressants, I experienced this ignorant thinking almost immediately from the people I shared my story with.  Later, I learned that it wasn't worth the unintentional insults and inevitable hurt, so I stopped telling people about my depression all together.  A friend who was going through a similar trial encouraged me to read the book "Listening to Prozac".  I don't remember many details from the book but I do remember that far from answering any questions, it only added to the insecurity I was feeling.  Was it acceptable to fundamentally change my personality with prescription drugs in order to alleviate profound emotional pain?  The question remained unanswered at that time, but through the years that followed, the answer was revealed after experiencing destructive pain and life-wasting apathy.  I wasn't fundamentally changing who I was by taking antidepressants.  I still experienced pain, sadness, grief and depression but somehow I could handle it without "falling down the black hole" (a phrase I use to convey the unexplainable darkness of depression).

Countless artists, composers and writers have used their mental disease as a muse.  As an artist, I admit that depression and malaise have fueled many works that may not have been born otherwise.  But would I sacrifice all other aspects of my life, or my life itself for the ability to create amazingly deep, dark art?  If anyone reading this has experienced true, profound depression, you're shaking your heads right along with me.  I would absolutely never choose the torture of depression over feeling even a little peace and anyone who says different simply hasn't been there. 

On the other side of the coin, many have used alcohol or illegal drugs, both consciously and unconsciously, to cope with their mental illness.  This is of course known as "self-medicating" and has been done since the beginning of humanity.  In many ways this method seems more socially acceptable, at least that's been my experience.  Having given up those fuel sources myself some time ago, I'm currently using only prescription medications to manage my illness.  So, do I cease to be a legitimate artist without my booze and dark moods? 

Many of the artists who marinated in the black hole of depression or preferred an alcoholically altered mind-state rather than facing reality did produce some great works, but at what expense?  Seeking help for a mental illness is absolutely not a sign of weakness.  Those who are able, through an unimaginably heavy veil of blackness, to summon the courage to call a doctor or tell a family member that they need help, should be applauded for their bravery, not insulted with flippant remarks from those who cannot possibly understand their suffering.