Crashing Down Off the Alpha Nutrition Wagon

Okay so it's now day 7 on the Alpha nutrition diet. My mental state has made it very difficult to maintain any type of discipline. Yesterday I didn't write down anything I ate or any of my symptoms although the severity of my symptoms don’t seem to have changed much. Today I also did not write down anything I ate or any of my symptoms and I ate an entire small pepperoni pizza which made me feel like I was going to puke for about an hour.  The pizza was a bit too well done but it still tasted good!

Last night I intentionally skipped my 20 mg Cymbalta dose for the first time. I felt okay until the late afternoon today when I started feeling lightheaded and nauseated. These symptoms got worse as the evening progressed so I decided to take a pill to minimize my discomfort. It seems to have helped with the nausea but I'm still a bit lightheaded. My plan is to take the 20 mg dose as soon as I begin to feel lightheaded.  Hopefully the duration between doses will get longer and longer until I can stop taking it all together.

I wrote this in one of my previous posts and I’ll write it again.  Cymbalta is evil!  I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.  It’s a very harsh drug with very harsh and dangerous, even life threatening side effects. If I had gone through with some of the crazy, violent obsessions going through my mind the other night, my life would either be over or I would be in jail. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest.  Since the episode three nights ago, both my therapist and medical doctor have been calling regularly to check up on me and are very concerned about my mental state.   As I’ve mentioned several times before, I’ve taken many different drugs for depression and Fybromyalgia and this is one of the worst!  I can’t wait till I’m completely free of it.

Day 4 - 10/22/11 - Alpha Nutrition Diet for Aching and Fatigue

Still feeling like crap...

Symptoms
(0=mild to no discomfort 10=most severe discomfort/ pain)

3:00pm
Shortness of Breath - 4
Fatigue - 7
Headache - 2
Backache - 7
Eye Pain - 2
All-Over Body Pain - 6

Food Log
9:00am - 1 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk,
10:00am - 1/3 cup ENF Formula
3:00pm - 6 peach slices, fruit ice pop
1:00pm - 1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots, 1/3 cup ENF Formula
4:30pm - 2.5oz can salmon, large mango smoothie
6:00pm - 1cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots, 1 cup rice cereal & 1/2 cup rice milk
9:00pm - 5 rice crackers

Medications taken at bedtime:
Cymbalta: 20mg, Welbutrin: 150mg, Lorazepam: 2mg

Day 3 - 10/21/11 - Alpha Nutirition Diet for Aching & Fatigue

Severe emotional breakdown at 9:30pm.  Felt extreme rage, anger and suicidal thoughts like I have never felt before.  Cymbalta is EVIL!  I have never experienced such withdrawal from SSRIs and I've taken most of the SSRI's out there.  I almost ended up in the ER.  I cannot even write some of the thoughts I was having down because they're too shameful.  I'm just so glad I was able to resist acting upon them.  I will never take a SNRI again.
Symptoms (0=mild to no discomfort 10=most severe discomfort/ pain)

10:30am
Shortness of Breath - 5
Fatigue - 7
Headache - 0
Backache - 7
Heart Murmurs - 3
Eye Pain - 2
All-Over Body Pain - 4
Sore Throat - 3

Food Log
9:00am - 1 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk,
10:00am - 1/3 cup ENF Formula
12:00pm - 6 peach slices
1:00pm - 1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots, 1/3 cup ENF Formula
5:00pm - 1.5 cup rice, 1.5 cup broccoli & carrots
7:00pm - 1 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk
9:00pm - 5 rice crackers

Medications taken at bedtime:
Cymbalta: 20mg, Welbutrin: 150mg, Lorazepam: 2mg

Day 2 - 10/20/11 - Alpha Nutrition Diet for Aching and Fatigue

Still feeling about the same or worse.

Symptoms (0=mild to no discomfort 10=most severe discomfort/ pain)
10:00am
Shortness of Breath - 5
Fatigue - 7
Headache - 0
Backache - 5
Heart Murmurs - 5
Eye Pain - 2
All-Over Body Pain - 4
Sore Throat - 3

Food Log
8:30am -  1/2 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk, 1/3 cup ENF formula
9:30am - 4 peach slices
11:00am - 1 cup broccoli & carrots, 1 cup rice
4:00pm - 1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots
6:00pm - 1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots
8:00pm - 1 cup rice cereal, 1 cup rice milk
9:00pm - 8 peach slices

Medications taken at bedtime:
Cymbalta: 20mg, Welbutrin: 150mg, Lorazepam: 2mg

Day 1 - 10/19/11 - Alpha Nutrition Diet for Aching and Fatigue

Slept until around 10am.  Woke up feeling bad:

Symptoms (0=mild to no discomfort 10=most severe discomfort/ pain)
                        12:00pm |  5:00pm
Shortness of Breath - 4  |  4
Fatigue - 6  |  6
Headache - 2  |  0
Backache - 6  |  3
Heart Murmurs - 5  |5
Eye Pain - 3  |  3
All-Over Body Pain - 4  |  4
Joint Pain - 5  |  4

Food Log
11:30am  -  6 peach slices, 3/4 cup white rice
12:30pm  -  1 cup cooked broccoli & carrots, 1tbsp olive oil, 1tsp salt
1:00pm  -  1 baked sweet potato
3:00pm  -  1 cup rice cereal, 1/2 cup rice milk
5:00pm  -  6 peach slices, 1/3 cup ENF formula
6:00pm  -  1 cup rice, 1 cup broccoli & carrots
7:30pm  -  1 cup rice cereal, 1 cup rice milk
9:00pm  -  1 cup rice

Medications taken at bedtime:
Cymbalta: 20mg, Welbutrin: 150mg, Lorazepam: 2mg

Coming Down Off Cymbalta

I don't know if I'm feeling the way I am because I lowered my Cymbalta dosage or if it's just one of those "fibro-lows".  Last night I sat on the floor in my scalding hot shower and cried, my body hurt so much.  I'm really feeling terrible.  Everything is worse from joint pain and all-over body pain to headaches, fatigue and weird symptoms like eye pain.  In my misery last night, I decided that I would start the "Alpha Diet" today because I had to find some relief and I didn't have any time to loose. 

According to the Alpha Nutrition book by D. Gisalason (although it does encourage flexibility), those who are suffering with severe disease should follow the "slow track" and begin with ten days of fasting while only taking liquid nutrients.  I didn't want to begin fasting until I was completely off my medications, so I've started eating only "Phase One" foods and liquid nutrients and plan to start fasting when my body is drug-free.

The list of Phase One foods is VERY limited.  I think there are thirty-three items on the list and that includes olive oil and at least four derivatives of rice (rice, rice cakes, rice (only) cereal, rice crackers, etc.).  Basically the Phase One diet includes certain vegetables, peaches, pears and rice.  I'm doing ok with it today but can see this getting really old really fast.  So far I'm still feeling like shit symptom-wize but I realize it may take at least ten days to feel any relief.  I'll be keeping my food and symptom journal here on my blog.  The journal entries will be titled "Day One", Day Two", etc.

If this doesn't work I don't know what I'll do.

Reprieve of Sorts

My husband has moved back to our apartment.  We discussed our problems and made some compromises.  I won't regurgitate the tiresome details. 

It's been about nine days on the lowered doses.  Now I'm taking 40mg Cymbalta, 150mg Welbutrin and 2mg Lorazepam.  I've been feeling better than average the for last three days.  Tonight I'll take 20mg of Cymbalta rather than 40mg.  The thought gives me some definite anxiety since I do not want to repeat the experience I had ten days ago, but I'm so anxious to get  this crap out of my system and anxious to start the food allergy investigation.  I'm hopeful, but hesitant.  I'm so worried that it won't change anything and I'll become more desperate and hopeless than I am even now.  As each experiment fails, I think more and more that this disease will be my lifelong rival and I begin to plan my life as a disabled person. 

My daugher, who is now ninteen and a half months old, has learned that sleeping requires closed eyes.  When my husband or I tell her to go to sleep she lays her head back and with obvious force, squints her eyes closed. She reaches a tiny hand to her eye and so gently traces her closed eyelid over and over with a pointed index finger.  She cannot see but can only feel her closed eyes and imagine how she may appear as she sleeps. 

The Latest Research...

After becoming so frustrated and angry with my Rhumatologist, I've decided to dump her and do some serious research into this Fibromyalgia crap myself.  I created on-line accounts with a few medical journals and medical publications and have started reading what ever I can find on-line.  What ever did we all do before the Internet?  Since I don't have any medical training other than the few years I worked as an Administrative Assistant at the Visiting Nurses Association, I admit it's been very slow going.  I've had to stop reading to look up a few words, phrases and acronyms and some of the articles are almost completely incomprehensible to me.  

However, I have read some very  interesting studies that have been done with respect to Fibromyalgia.  The seeming absurdity of some of them only reinforces what I've inferred since day one...no one knows squat about this thing nor do they even know what studies to conduct.  Many of the studies are about different drug reactions or interactions and pertain to symptom treatment only and don't address causes or cures.  It is all very depressing which I know isn't news to anyone else suffering with this.  All I can do is keep reading and hope I find something helpful.  I'll be sure to share if I do.

Trying to Get Off Cymbalta?

The carb-free thing didn't work out but I'm not convinced that it isn't a diet issue that's causing my problems.  I've found some information on "delayed pattern food allergy" on the web and although I may be grasping at straws it sounds like an interesting theory to me.  I ordered a book by Dr. Gislason which explains the very involved process for discovering if you may in fact have a food allergy.  According to what I've read, it may take many months to come to any realization but if it works it's easily worth the time.

To prepare for fasting, which is the first step in the process, Dr. Gislason suggests that you rid your body of all prescription medications (as well as nicotine, caffeine & alcohol among other things).  I've been on SSRI's for about fifteen years to treat my Major Depression, so I'm a bit apprehensive about not taking them since I've experienced some severe depression in my life.  I've also had some experience with SSRI withdrawl so I know not to stop taking them abruptly.  I'm taking 60mg of Cymbalta once per day, so my plan was to take one dose every-other-day for a week or two then take one every third day, etc.  Since the medication comes in capsules, they can't be split in half.  I've used this method to wean myself off SSRIs before and have never had any problems.

Three days ago I intentionally skipped my Cymbalta dose before I went to bed, planning to take a dose the next night.  I woke up the next morning hardly able to move.  My muscles were so weak I could baredly lift my head from my pillow to drink some water.  As the day progressed I became more and more nauseated and I shivered with cold sweats.  It reminded me of my drinking days and the horrible hang-overs and alcohol poisoning I suffered all too frequently.  Unfortunately, my sickened state prevented me from realizing the source of my suffering until later in the evening.  I took a dose immediately but the damage was already done.  The next morning the withdrawl symptoms were gone.

I have NEVER experienced SSRI withdrawl symptoms that severe or sudden before.  In the past it's taken two or three days before I started to get "brain zaps" and feel dizzy or nauseated.  I admit that I was getting over a cold virus so that may have had some effect but I don't really think so.  My doctor prescribed 20mg tablets and I've been taking two of those once per day for the last two days and I haven't experienced any withdrawl as of yet.

If anyone out there is planning on quitting Cymbalta, be careful!  Also, don't let your prescription run out and think you'll just call your doctor tomorrow.  If you do, you may suffer severely for it and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Freida Kahlo

I just watched the film, Frieda, one of my favorites, yet again.  Firstly,  BRAVO Salma who's performance is amazing.

Freida Kahlo is one of my favorite artists.  I think what I love most is the candidness of her work.  Every time I view her art, I suddenly feel as though she were a childhood friend and I had lived her experiences with her.  Each of her paintings speaks to a very specific instance of suffering she endured.  Whether she painted about her relationship with Diego Rivera, the loss of her unborn child or most profoundly, her trolley accident and the years of pain caused by it, her emotions bleed through each canvas with disturbing familiarity.

At the end of the movie, a scene which portrays the last days of Freida's life and which I have viewed countless times, had an unforeseen effect on me this time.  Completely bed bound by that point in her life, the scene takes place in Freida's bedroom with Diego entering to visit at her bedside.  He says her name and she responds, "I don't think there's any Freida left in here".  I was watching the movie with my parents and husband and suddenly found myself choking back my emotions.  Tears flowed and I tried to hide them with my hand.  The scene had subconciously reminded me of a recent conversation with my therapist where I told her that I felt like a shell of who I once was.  I thought of all of the things I had done and places I had gone and it was as though I were recalling a character in a novel.  Sometimes I can't even remember what it felt like to hike to the top of a hill and it was only two and a half years ago.

I'm certainly not comparing my experiences to those of Freida Kahlo or implying that I can begin to imagine what she endured, but at that moment I really felt like I understood her statement in that scene more than I ever had.  I never really appreciated how much my physical body and it's strengths or limitations dictated who I was as a person.  It may sound naive but it's true.  I was hoping to learn this lesson in my seventies rather than my thirties but I suppose every lesson is a good one somehow...well it sounds good anyway.