Good Days and Bad Days

Fortunately, I can classify the last few days as "good days" relatively speaking of course.  I was actually able to take a walk this morning and at a somewhat normal human pace.  Now that it's evening, I'm getting the sore throat, shortness of breath thing, but no pain.  Pain isn't actually my primary complaint.  I do have pain a lot of the time all over my body but it's more like an ache.  Sometimes pain shoots through my extremities but it's never as severe as I've heard other fibro sufferers report.  My main problem is fatigue and shortness of breath.  When I'm in the midst of a flare, I can't do anything.  I can barely get up and make myself something to eat (like a sandwich even) before I'm getting light headed, starting to sweat, becoming short of breath and feeling as though my legs are just going to give out.  Walking up stairs has become a horrible experience.  My leg muscles feel so weak, I have to summon all my strength to lift them up each stair.  Unfortunately I have to ascend one and a half flights of stairs just to get to my front door.  Once I do get in the door, I'm spent.

I've been trying to eat really well.  I've been eating lots of raw fruits and veggies and cutting out as much sugar as possible.  Cutting out sugar (and other "bad" foods) is very hard for me because I have hardly any self-control.  I think I may actually have a bit of an eating disorder.  If there's a box of cookies in my kitchen, I've been known to eat the whole thing in one sitting.  I absolutely can't help myself, which is why I have very little food in my house.  I only buy what I'll need for the day or next couple of days.  I used to binge when I was a kid.  Before my mom was home from work, once I actually ate an entire box of brown sugar because there was nothing else around.  Fortunately I had a really good metabolism and stayed skinny as a rail (I wish I could still say that ).  I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I have a problem with food, being that I'm a recovering alcoholic.  I'm obviously an addict in other aspects of my life as well.  In two days I will have been sober for three years!  I can't believe it.  I never thought I could go this long without a drink.  Of course now I have a daughter which is a whole new motivation.

Wow, I really digressed from my original topic.  Anyway, I'll try to keep eating well and exercising in moderation, when I can, and hope it makes a difference. 

Now that I'm finishing this post, I'm starting to get achy and my hands are hurting, which means I should go to bed (even though it's only 9pm). Oh well, you have to take the good days, or even hours, when you can.   It sounds cliche, but that's something I learned in AA and you can apply to  your whole life.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.