Things in Life Go on and on

My mom is visiting from NJ for our daughter's first birthday which is tomorrow.  Two friends of mine had planned to come yesterday to celebrate but one friend was sick and the other (who gets very seasick and is practically phobic of boats) was afraid of the predicted rough boat ride across the channel.  I was really hurt at first, thinking she (the former) was making excuses when my she called to say she wouldn't be coming, in fact we got into a big argument about it.  I don't have many friends on the island anymore and my family is on the other side of the country.  My husbands family couldn't attend due to work schedules.  So it would just be me, my mom and my husband.  We ordered a six inch cake, mostly as a photo prop more than anything else.

Yesterday afternoon, after my husband returned from his fishing charter, he very unemotionally explained that his mother had been taken to the hospital with shortness of breath, and that he was going to take the next boat to the mainland.  We've known for some time that she was ill but doctors hadn't quite pinned it down yet as a lung malignancy, CHF or COPD.  We were hoping some tests she recently had would give some answers.  My husband's father died when he was eighteen.  I'm glad his two half brothers are there with him.  He called not too long ago with sad news.  Apparently his mom has several serious chronic conditions that are inoperable, including emphysema, COPD and a leak in one of her heart valves.  I guess the doctor told them that she didn't have much time and that she was too weak to survive any type of heart surgery.  I wish I could be there with him.  He's taking it really hard and I just want to comfort him.

My husband's mother along with his half brother and his wife were just here visiting us two weeks ago.  I didn't really notice anything different about his mom but my husband and his brother thought she seemed short of breath and noticed that she had lost a lot of weight (which she could not afford to loose).  I'm so glad now that she was here to see her grand-daughter and spend time with her.  I had no idea at the time, that it may be the last time my daughter would ever see her grandma and probably the last time my mother-in-law would come to Catalina Island, a place she has loved dearly since her teen years.  When they left and we hugged, I didn't know it may have been the last time.

My husband is coming home tomorrow morning but probably leaving again the next day.  He fears his mom may only live a few days more.  I feel so selfish wanting my husband to be here for our daughter's first birthday but it's important to me for some reason especially since he wasn't there at her birth.  I know he should be with his mom though.  There will be lots more birthday's with our daughter (I certainly hope) but this may be the last chance he has to spend with his mom.  I know he's coming home for me.  Maybe I should call and tell him not to come home, that he should stay with his mom.  I'm so torn, I don't know what to do.  If he doesn't come, it'll only be me, my mom and my daughter, pretty much a non-event for her very first birthday and pathetic pictures for the family album, but really not the most important thing.  I'm so confused and sad.  I wish I could hug my husband right now.  The events of this day have seemed to magnify the the inevitabilities of life and death.  The beginning of one life and the ending of another.