Surprise Surprise

My parents left on Monday and what I feared but assumed would happened has happened.  My husband has not picked up at all from  where my mom left off - far from it.  He's behaving exactly the way he did before she came.  He's acting like a childish brat who rolls his eyes or comes up with lame adolescent excuses every time I ask him for his help with something.  I'm beginning to realize that this marriage will soon be over.  I cannot live with a man who treats me with such disrespect, especially being as sick as I am.

I just finished a carb-free "two week test" which may have indicated I f I had a carbohydrate intolerance since the symptoms are almost exactly the same as Fibromyalgia (strange how so many things are).  I didn't really see any change so I went on a monumental carb binge on the last day of the "test".  I pretty much feel the same as I did before I did the test.  I'm still intrigued though with the idea that I may have some type of food allergy or intolerance.  I've ordered a book which is a step-by-step program to test yourself for these situations.   I understand it can be a many months long process.  Maybe it's just a scam, but I'm willing to try anything at this point.  The $500 per month Cymbalta hasn't done a thing for me.  I've tried so many medications and the only one that helped was Prednisone which my doctor promptly took me off  saying that it wasn't safe to take long-term.  What a tease.  There's got to be something.  I'll let everyone know how the program is working after I start.  Wish me luck!

Care Giver, Care Taker

I was just reading some of my older posts and noticing how much the theme of this blog has changed from being a very clinical and somewhat emotional discovery of my new disease, to a mechanism for which I try (in vain) to explore my marriage problems.  Of course, my husband and I probably wouldn't have as many problems if it weren't for this damned illness but it really has brought out  his "true colors" (if you'll excuse the cliche).  I've already written in length about having a strong support system or at least a single person you can rely on to take over the physical duties you can no longer do.  This is of course a huge commitment and in most cases, a bit much to ask of a friend.   But a parent, sibling or child should be willing and able to help you out (unless of course you've spent your life being a jerk, in which case I say "good luck!").  The obvious fit for the job of caretaker is of course your spouse.  Considering you both actually took a witnessed vow in which you said you would love each other in sickness and in health, it seems almost a contractual obligation. 

As you're reading this I can hear you thinking "What the hell is all this talk of contractual obligations?  Of course the "task" of care giver falls to your spouse if there is one and they are physically able.  Your spouse should want to take care of you.  After all, he or she loves you and would do anything possible to ease your suffering.  Right?"

I'm not suggesting by any means that caring for a sick spouse is easy.  It's extremely difficult, heart-wrenching and exhausting. Even the most saintly among us can slip under the immense burden.  I've now had the experience of being a caregiver and now one in need of a care-giver.  I was the only one to care for my ex-fiance several years ago who suffered from mental illness (OCD) as well as a severe bout of Lyme disease which rendered him hospitalized and very sick for the better part of a year.  His mental illness was the element that broke our relationship (at least that's what I believe).  Reading my journals from that time, I can practically feel my desperation pouring from the pages.  I spoke to his doctor on his behalf because his illness was so acute at one point (and his doctor had a really crappy bedside manner) that they had a hard time communicating.  I counted the days till his therapy sessions and doctor appointments, hoping that from one of them he would come home "fixed".  I guess I cracked before he did and ran screaming into the night, away as fast as I could, from our otherwise loving eight year relationship.  After about four years after we amiably parted ways, he got married.  I hope his new wife is stronger than I was.